


Trust

by runnerfangirl



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fights, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Making Up, Minor Injuries, Post-Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Sad Alec, Self-Doubt, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 19:05:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runnerfangirl/pseuds/runnerfangirl
Summary: After they kissed in the dimly lit alley and left the party, Alecknewthat they both were working to put their relationship back into its track. He thought they were going to be fine from now on. He thought Magnus trusted him. But in the midst of their first fight after they made up, Alec realized that he had thought wrong.





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of this fic has been on my mind for a while, and I finally decided to write it at school. Though, I'm not sure if I really liked it at the end. But I still wanted to post this, so here you go! Enjoy...

Alec wasn’t sure how things got out of hand so quickly. One second, they were sitting on the couch, cuddling happily; the other, they were shouting at each other.

“Haven’t I already told you that I’m sorry for the hundredth time? What do you want me to do? You know I have never wanted to hurt you!” Alec’s voice echoed through the otherwise silent loft. Magnus’ voice wasn’t low either, but unlike Alec, he had a surprisingly calm expression on his face.

“I know. Alec, I know that. But you still hurt me, and you can’t expect me to easily start trusting you again.”

Magnus’ words affected Alec as if he had been slapped. “You don’t trust me?” Rage was flaring inside him as the seconds passed. “Then why the hell are you here? Why are you still kissing me like you have forgiven me? What are we doing together if you can’t trust me in our relationship?!”

“I _have_ forgiven you! But you _lied_ , _lied to me_! About something that could kill me, that could kill every single Downworlder!”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Alec resisted to the urge to grab his hair in his fists and pull at the black locks. “The Soul Sword couldn’t kill you, it was deactivated! I thought we were fine,” he admitted quietly. “I thought you trusted me.”

There was a moment before Magnus spoke again, and in the meantime, Alec noticed how much his throat hurt because of shouting. “How do you expect me to trust you again in no time after you betrayed me like that?”

For a single second, Alec had thought that he had let all of his anger out; but when he heard Magnus, his head snapped up and he noticed that he was still angry deep down in his consciousness. His anger was begging to be out and the next words came out of Alec’s mouth without thinking.

“Like the way I learned to trust you!” Alec shouted. Magnus looked confused, but the Shadowhunter didn’t give him time to voice his question. “And you were just a warlock whom I had mixed feelings for back then. By the Angel, I was engaged to Lydia! When I was waiting for people to support me as _I_ tried to restore our family name, you went behind my back with my siblings. _You_ stole my stele; _you_ helped them steal the Cup. Isn’t this a betrayal too, huh? Izzy was almost stripped of her runes because of what you three had done!

“But you made a mistake, and everything fell back into its place. I learned to trust you again. Do you think I would kiss you in front of everyone if I didn’t?”

Shock and hurt crossed across Magnus’ face, but Alec was still too angry to notice. “How did you-” was the only thing the warlock could let out.

“How did I learn it?” It seemed like the question made Alec even more irritated. “Did you think I was stupid enough to risk my stele being taken by a random Shadowhunter? Deep inside here,” he pointed the area under his chest, “I knew that my _parabatai_ was betraying me, but what do you think I’ve felt when I saw my stele _magically_ appear next to Jace? What do you think I’ve felt when I noticed that the last person I expected was betraying me? But relationships take effort, don’t they? Didn’t we agree on that? Without a single ounce of doubt in my head, I trust you with my life. And here you are telling me that you can’t trust me, but acting as if nothing had happened!”

Just like that, Alec felt his anger abandon him instantly, leaving a hollow emptiness in his chest. Silence settled inside the loft, making it easier to hear Alec’s raging breaths.

Magnus was silent too. It looked like he wasn’t furious anymore. Instead, Alec saw shock, hurt and bewilderment on his face. And the Shadowhunter felt regret slowly blossom, making it even harder for him to breathe.

“Alexander…” Magnus whispered but he seemed at loss for words.

“Sorry.” Alec’s voice cracked as he talked. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, his body screaming that he was too tired to keep himself upright. “Mags, I’m sorry. I didn’t…” He reached out like he wanted to touch Magnus, but pulled it back quickly as if the act was forbidden. His fingers curled into fists by the either side of his body. “I just… I didn’t mean it, Magnus. It’s-It’s in the past and I… I’ve already forgiven you.”

If Alec was looking at Magnus instead of averting his gaze, he would have seen the pained look on the warlock’s face as though he was physically hurting. But Magnus wasn’t hurting because of Alec. He was hurting because Alec _was_ hurt. Because he had been the one to cause Alec pain.

“I’ll just… give you some time to think, yeah?” Alec shook his head to himself, wondering if he could shake off the thoughts in his mind with the motion. He answered his own question before Magnus had time to do so. “Yeah, I’ll do that,” whispered Alec and turned his back to the warlock. He shut the door behind him, leaving Magnus in silence filled with remorse.

 

“Alexander…”

Alec was completely unaware of the voice. He was too focused on the pull of his bow string to notice the warlock behind him. He let the string go loose and drew another arrow from his quiver without wasting a second. The skin of his knuckles and the insides of his fingers were bruised and covered in cuts that were burning, but Alec found comfort in his wounds. He remembered what Magnus had told him when he had done the exact same thing previously, when he shot his arrows into the darkness of night for hours without stopping. And he felt exactly like the way he had put it into words: He was hoping that _the pain in his hands would overpower the pain in his chest_.

“Alexander.”

He felt blood trickle from his fingers down to the crook of his elbow before it dripped to the ground. The second his arrow exploded in the air, he was shooting another one.

Alec didn’t know for how long he had been on the roof of the Institute. He could somewhat see the reds and oranges over the horizon as the dawn neared, but it wasn’t like he cared about the time. He was at the roof in hopes of forgetting, which wasn’t really working because his thoughts were still focused on a certain warlock.

Why did he even get so angry to Magnus? Why couldn’t he just shut up and let their peaceful evening continue? Of course, Magnus didn’t trust him yet, why would he? He had told Alec that the one thing he could count on from Alec was his honesty. And Alec _lied_.

He shouldn’t have made such a deal out of it that night. Magnus might have learned to trust him again, if Alec had given enough time to the warlock. But no, he had just crumbled every chance he might have got.

It was Alec’s fault that they had broken up in the first place. And now, if he had caused Magnus to consider their relationship again, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to bear the weight of it.

The blood made his grip on the bow slippery, but his stubborn stance didn’t falter.

“Alexander!”

In the end, it wasn’t Magnus’ raised voice that snapped Alec out of his thoughts; it was the lack of arrows in his quiver when he reached for them and the sudden loss of weight on his back. Alec turned around slowly, his hand grasping the hilt of his seraph blade strapped to his thigh.

His grip on the blade loosened when he saw Magnus.

“Oh,” he let out in a barely audible voice. “It’s you.”

Magnus didn’t seem to be aware of Alec’s dumbfounded face. His gaze was locked on his bloody fingers. “Alexander, you are hurting yourself.” It came out as more of a statement than a question.

Alec only shrugged as an answer, fingers toying with the strap of his quiver. Magnus looked like Alec’s lack of answer only saddened him more. He took a tentative step forward. “Can I heal your hands?” he asked quietly.

The Shadowhunter looked at him for a moment before he rubbed at his hands one more time, and clasped them behind his back. But his voice wavered and it betrayed his soldier stance.

“What are you doing here, Magnus?”

Magnus took another step forward and stopped in front of Alec, staying within his reach. “I came to apologize.”

Alec brows furrowed in confusion. “Why?” he asked with an unhidden curiosity.

“Because I hurt you.” Magnus answered simply, making a gesture with his hands to indicate Alec’s bruised fingers. He swiftly continued when Alec was about to protest. “You were right, I haven’t been equal to you. It was selfish of me. You have made a mistake, just as I have made mine; but I shouldn’t have acted like I did. I’m hundreds of years old, Alexander, I should have known better than I did.

“And I’m so, so sorry for agreeing with Jace and Isabelle to get your stele. None of us should have done that to you. It was my mistake, but the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life was letting you go, Alexander. And I’ll never forgive myself if it happens again.”

“Mags…” Alec’s shoulders obviously relaxed after he heard the words that he didn’t even know he needed to hear. “I’m sorry too. I should have never brought it up-”

“No. Alexander,” Magnus took one more step and reached out for Alec’s blood-covered hands that were now hanging down limply by his sides. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, my darling. I’m glad you mentioned it, actually. Admittedly, it wasn’t the best possible scenario; but now, I feel like a weight that I wasn’t aware of has lifted from my chest.”

Alec nodded at him, not knowing what to say. His gaze was locked on Magnus’ though, and he was faintly aware of the warlock’s gentle caresses against his bruised knuckles.

“Can I heal your hands now, Alexander?”

Alec murmured out a low “Yes,” but the next words he blurted came out of his mouth without thinking: “I trust you.”

He took a sharp breath; he wasn’t sure if he had crossed a line or not. But when he looked at Magnus, the warlock was smiling softly at him. His features were illuminated with a soft glow. His blue wisps of magic were working to heal his hands, colorful sparks dancing in the small space of air between them. Magnus took a second away from his healing and pressed a gentle kiss against Alec’s knuckles, filling the Shadowhunter’s heart with warmth when he said the next words.

“I trust you too, Alexander, with my heart.”


End file.
